An Open Letter to President-Elect Barack Obama

This entry was originally published at Big Kid:Bigger City

Dear President-Elect Obama,

First of all, SWEET PARTY in Grant Park the other night.  It was amazing.  I kept telling my friends - there’s no way this guy can pull off this shindig.  You proved me wrong, sir.  The pizza was so-so and hella expensive, but it’s cool.  I was hoping for an open bar or at least a keg, but hey, you did your best.  Maybe in 2012, right?

Now, the reason I’m writing.  I’m pretty excited about your presidency overall, but there’s a few things I’m hoping you can address in late January/early February.  I’m writing to you now because you probably need to get a head-start.  I’ve always heard that money helps grease the wheels, so I’m not afraid to bring up the multiple donations I sent your way over the course of the primary and presidential races.

So, without further ado, here’s what I’m thinking should probably be addressed:

- 7-11 Slurpee Machines.  It seems like almost every time I go to 7-11, my Slurpee flavor of choice is blinking red and all liquid.  What’s up with that?  Why can’t 7-11 have my Slurpee flavor ready to go?

- The Browns defense.  Did you see that last night?  It looked like the Bush post-invasion plan for Iraq.  Can we get a few guys with skill in the secondary and maybe one guy on the line that can put some pressure on the QB?

- Chicago Transit Authority.  I don’t even know where to begin.  Is there a restart button?

- Video game costs in bars and bowling alleys.  Have you tried to play Buck Hunter or Golden Tee lately?  Ridiculous.  You have to give up a drink just to play 18 holes.

- Spamalot tickets.  Could you make a phone call?

- The 3oz liquid rule at airports.  Actually, I hear that’s changing soon.  Never mind.

- The DH rule.  Can you just abolish it?

- Windows Vista.  My wife has it on her laptop and it randomly deletes hardware drivers.  Talk about a PITA.

- Can you have Bill Gates come to our house and fix it?

- My friend Jodi is a teacher and her principal sucks.  Can you call Arne?  I’m happy to sit on the committee to find a replacement.

- Augusta National Golf Club.  Think you can hook me up with a tee time?

- Finally, I’ve got two words for you: political appointee.  I don’t care where, I’ll serve wherever you want.

Hope these next couple of months go well.  Let me know if you need help finding a puppy for the girls.

Sincerely,

-Dave

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